Jealosy and Old Feelings

Z10

“O, beware, my lord, of jealousy;
It is the green-ey’d monster, which doth mock
The meat it feeds on.

~Iago to Othello (Otello, Act 3, Scene 3, 165-171)

I went to RCIA with my uncle and I recognized somebody there.  Sure enough it was my ex-girlfriend’s younger sister.  We talked a bit and I found out my ex-girlfriend has a boyfriend.

There was a spark of jealousy inside of me and I avoided it for the moment, but it does bring back old feelings when I was with my first real girlfriend.  I got over her a long time ago, and in fact, I got over it three years ago when we broke up.  However, I did not expect her sister there and hear about the girl I once dated.  Having a stable relationship was something I have always wanted since I first started liking girls, but this hasn’t been my strong point.  I am still trying to figure out who I am and what God wants of me.  It really is difficult because I have to think if I really want to be with a particular woman my whole life, and have a family with her, or am I just doing this to know what romance feels like.

I should not have to feel jealous.  It is spiritually, psychologically and emotionally unhealthy.  Jealous (or envy) is one of the seven deadly sins.  I feel like I might be jealous because she was the one girl who seriously wanted a romantic relationship with me and I haven’t had luck dating girls since then.  Sure I’ve talked to plenty of girls and asked a few out, but no success.  So I feel like something is owed to me.  Like I said before; this mentality is not healthy in a number of different ways and I need prayers.  I generally don’t ask people to pray for me since I see many with more problems with me, but if I don’t ask others to pray for me, then I can’t expect to get over these feelings such as envy, depression and lack of confidence.

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